STAAR Nightmare

For all of you non-educators or "non-parents" (is that even a word???) or non-Texans....you may not realize that next week IS the week of the STAAR test. This is a test that the "experts" of education have created. Ha! Hahahahahahaha! Oh, well....these people seem to think that by testing children on a rigorous test that it will prove how much they have learned or how smart they are. Now let me remind you that as teachers, we have NO STINKING IDEA what is on this test! Honestly! And we won't. I spent 30 minutes last week watching a video instructing me on the "do's and don'ts" of the STAAR test. We have been give strict instruction not to look at the test, read the test, or if by chance a child asks us to read a word on the math portion (which is allowed)...that we delete that word from our memory forever and NEVER mention the "word" as long as we live. We sign an oath, where we swear we will NOT disclose any of the "secret" information! An oath!!!!!!! HONESTLY! Our fear of going to the new STAAR prison (last year it was TAKS prison) increases greatly this time of year! It causes a great deal of stress in teachers, students and parents! What if they don't pass????
I know of all the amazing things I've taught my 3rd graders this year! We have studied the Solar System where in class each child made their own model of the Solar System as well as a book they created by researching information about the Solar System on the Internet. We have studied rocks and volcanoes and plants and heredity. We are getting ready to study biomes and ecosystems and food chains. My 3rd graders know about the continents and oceans! They have created maps! They know who Pierre Charles L'Enfant and Juan De Onate are! They have learned the word entrepreneur and they can tell you about at least five well known entrepreneurs. I have tested them daily on their multiplication facts...yes...the old kill and drill. MEMORIZE THOSE BABIES!!! They are learning them! I have shown them how to draw pictures to help them with the dreaded "word problem"! We have written in journals and edited. I hold them responsible for spelling words that they have had and I MAKE them spell words correctly! We have learned to be kind to each other. STOP BEING A TATTLE TALE all the time. Work out your problems! If there is a problem, the two (or more) must sit and talk about it and decide what they could have done to prevent it. I have tried to teach compassion...don't make fun of others. Be understanding when some one's parent has been put in jail. Love each other. I tell them that we are a family....I used to be like a momma to my students, but now I'm like a grandmother! None of that will be on the test....I'm sure. (Not that I know because I don't!!!)
All of this leads to the STAAR nightmare. I had one last night. In my dream, I passed all the STAAR booklets out to my students and read the instructions (word for word...it's in the book...word for word...don't stray or you'll go to STAAR prison). They began working on the the 4 hour timed test. As I "monitored" my students, I realized that they were working on the math portion of the test and NOT the reading portion! I began to panic!!! OMG! I have violated the test instructions!!!!! I ran to the hall screaming...violation #2...do not leave the students unattended while testing. I told the class to erase their answers because we were taking the wrong test....violation #3!!!! I fell to the floor in a fit of convulsions....let's just say it was sort of like an old time gospel fit...where I shook and screamed and spoke in tongues...my legs were quivering and words that normally aren't spoken at school were screamed! Our counselor finally came to my room to help me. In calming me down, we realized that the probable reason for my blunder was due to my......get this....PREGNANCY...and that I was going into labor! Oh, dear Lord.....what is worse???? STAAR Prison or a baby at my age??? My dream ends....with a baby in my arms.
Are there any dream analyzers out there??????

Kids (and Nanas) say the darndest things!

I have really enjoyed teaching this year...especially because I get to teach my grandson, Denver! The first week of school he called me "Mrs. Jordan" and that just sounded weird for my grandson to call me that, so I told him he didn't have to call me that...he could still call me Nana. He came up with "Mrs. Nana"! I loved it!
We've been studying the Solar System during science for the last month and they have loved it. Each of the three classes made a scaled model of the Solar System and we shared those with NASA during a video conference. Later we made our own models. Some made dioramas using shoe boxes and my very own "play-dough". (FYI...the play-dough wasn't nearly as easy as the directions stated! The kneading made my arms for hurt for days!!!) Others made posters of the planets. All of these were done in class. I had posters, play-dough, constuction paper, markers, pipe cleaners, beaded trim and glue scattered all over the room. It looked like a disaster area but the kids loved it and I enjoyed seeing them be creative...adding little details...the Asteroid Belt...rings around the outer planets...dwarf planets, such as Pluto, Ceres and their favorite Makemake!
As we were discussing the sun, I told my eager little listeners that the outer part of the sun was called the "corona". I asked one of my Hispanic students what "corona" meant in Spanish and she replied "crown". I repeated (in my horrible Texas drawl), "Yes...corona means crown!" Obviously, it sounded like I said "crou-on" because my adorable, smart grandson raised his hand and said, "Mrs. Nana...Do you mean if I go to Mexico and I want to color, I should ask for a corona?" Well, that took me by surprise because honestly, I was just waiting for someone in the room to announce that their parents drank Coronas! I know I must have looked somewhat puzzled...I tilted my head and looked at him and asked him to explain. He said, "You know...I need a crayon to color with! Do I say I want a corona?" OMG!!! I started laughing when I realized I had pronounced "crown" with such a Texas accent that my own grandson misunderstood me!!!! We all had a good laugh and I started trying to say "crown" the correct way!
Crown-Crayon-Corona....After the week full of projects, I think I'll take the Corona but a "crayon" and coke might be a good choice, too!!!!
Happy weekend all!

WARNING!!!! FIRE HAZARD!

I don't know if any of you have seen the news reports or read of the massive amounts of schools that have burned because of children's work that has been hung on the walls of teachers who were ignorant. These teachers had no idea that if they hung their student's stories or proudly drawn artwork that a fire would attack these pieces of work and cause the school burn down! It's so sad! I've spent hours reading and grieving for all the schools that have burned (Haven't you?). And all because of these crazy teachers who wanted to show their student's work! Another reason all these school are burning is because some teachers are ignorant enough to actually bring a couch into their classroom. Nevermind that children love to sit on the couch and snuggle up with a good book and let their imagination wander into never-never land! Or, too bad that some children get sick at school and find comfort taking a nap or resting on the teacher's couch. None of that matters....all that matters is that ALL TEACHERS MUST GET RID OF COUCHES BECAUSE THEY ARE A FIRE HAZARD! It doesn't matter that these children spend hours at school and that some teachers try to make their classroom homey with a couch or the student's work or decorative posters hanging on the walls. No no no no no!!!! We must save all schools from burning. We must make our rooms sparse and lifeless. Take all the artwork from the halls. Take ribbons and pictures off the lockers! We are losing too many schools because of these teachers who have the nerve to include these hazardous items in their rooms. The good news is...our school will be safe! The FIRE MARSHALL has blessed us with his presence and opened our eyes to our ignorance. Our school will take all the papers off the doors (you know...IF there is a fire in the hall, the door will burn faster if the papers on the door catch fire). We will be free of self-portraits adorning our lockers. We will only hang papers on the bulletin board. We will nevermore hang artsy/craftsy decor from our ceilings (for fear of fire). We will rid our rooms of the soft old couch that children love to sit on. I even loaded my old couch up on Saturday and deposited her at the dump! I shed a few tears as we dropped the couch off....lots of stories have been read on that old couch....a few naps have been taken because of a child with a headache.....lots of comforting has been done because of hurt feelings at school..... but that really doesn't matter now, does it???? I'm wondering what we will do with all the books in our rooms? I certainly hope they aren't considered a fire hazard!

TAKS TEST

The past two days we have given the TAKS test to our third graders. I swore my life away to the secrecy of the test and vowed not to look at it or inform anyone of the information on it....hmmm. Well, anyway, I'm tired of this silly test. On Tuesday, we gave the math test. Our "babies" spent 2-3 hours working on this test. I was blown away at the intensity of which they worked.....their little faces puzzled...stretching their little hands after using strategies...wondering when it's time for lunch....asking the most important question, "Aren't we having recess????"....work, work, work. Today we gave the reading test and they spent 3-4 1/2 hours. These kids are serious about this test and they don't want to disappoint anyone! I wanted to kick the test makers in the face. Why do they give a test that requires these children to sit for this length of time? Surely there is a better way to test them. Adults don't even sit for this length of time and work on anything. High school students who take SAT or ACT tests work for 3-4 hours...(I think). It is so much stress on these kiddos. I realize there must be a way to measure their knowledge, but it has gotten out of hand and from what I hear, the test will change and become even harder. Surely there is a way to test in a shorter amount of time! Funny thing is....we usually know who will pass it before the test is even passed out for them to take! The new test will be called STAR...I believe. We shall see what the STARs have in store for us!

Cracks

I'm tired of seeing cracks. And I'm not even talking about teenage or adult cracks...I'm talking about kid cracks. At school I'm exposed to about 5-6 cracks a day. I think baby cracks are cute. In fact there is nothing cuter than a babies bottom BUT once you get in school...I'm not much on cracks. I even see them during lunch....talk about losing my appetite....ewww. If I could just eat one meal without feeling compelled to put a quarter in the "jukebox", I'd be happy!

Some cracks are bigger than others but at this point it doesn't even matter the size. It's the beginning of someone's butt....I just want to walk by and pull up their britches or give them a wedgie or yank down their shirt....but I won't do that. I would really get in trouble!

I adore my students...even those whose cracks I view on a daily basis....I just am not sure I wanted to get to know them that well! Even some of my students are offended by the crack exposition and they "report" about the crack show. It makes it hard to do group work and play games on the floor when someone's crack is exposed.

I realize it is impossible to find high waisted jeans for kids...but there are things such as LONG shirts. Maybe that should be part of the dress code...I think one of our old rules was to tuck in your shirt. So we could add more rules.....Rule #192 Don't show your crack. Wear a long shirt to cover your crack.
But then they would probably have to write another rule.
Rule #193 You can wear a long shirt if your crack shows, but if your crack doesn't show you must tuck your shirt in.

I guess there isn't much I can do about it....Oh well...gotta go....It's the butt-crack of dawn and I've got to get busy!

Out of the mouths of third graders....

Last Friday was "Grandparent's Day" and we had more grandmas and grandpas than you could shake a stick at! They came from all over the great state of Texas! There were smiles everywhere! They all came to eat with their precious grandchildren and enjoy fine dining in the cafeteria! Not sure about 5 star dining, but the atmosphere was wonderful! Everyone was happy....that is until my sweet little darlings came back to my classroom after 30 minutes of dining and visiting. One set of grandparents wanted to come to my room to see where their precious grandchild spent most of his waking hours. "Mr. and Mrs. Grandparent" happily walked in and one of my curious students sauntered up to us and politely asked, "Are you Mrs. Jordan's grandparents?". Well, I wanted to find something to crawl under but decided that I wouldn't fit under my desk....I promptly said, "No, sweetheart. Please sit down," all the while hoping and praying (yes...we do still pray in school!) that the kind couple (who are only about 5 years older than me) didn't hear her. Well, that didn't satisfy her and she politely asked the SAME question again....this time, "Mrs. Grandma" said, "What did she say? Did she ask if I was YOUR grandma?" and then "Mr. Grandpa" asked, "Does she think we're YOUR grandparents?". I started apologizing and quickly escorted the pair out of the room before anyone else could question them on their status! I did not tell my little sweet darlin' that I'M a grandma myself! I spent the next few minutes wondering why she even asked that question! Oh well...out of the mouths of third graders........

THIS IS IT

Tonight I am somewhat weary. I realize that as a teacher, things I do or say can become so misunderstood! I consider these children "mine"! My goal is always to teach, comfort, console, laugh with, and open their eyes to the wonder of a world full of hope. My responsibility is greater than I sometimes feel I can carry! But each year I open my heart and arms to new children whose eyes are wide and minds are ready to be filled with knowledge! I attempt to make learning fun...I want them to love school. They have to have a love of school and a yearning to come each day ready to embark on new voyages! My prayer each day is to give them tools to use each day of their life....not just so they can pass a test at the end of the year, but so they will become successful in life. And I ask myself...how can I ensure that they receive these tools for life? What can I do to make sure they go home with something they've learned and then can use it tomorrow or even years from now? I always tell my students that we are like a family in my classroom. They sometimes spend more of their waking hours at school than they do at home, so we have to create a setting that is safe and rewarding. So, my weariness will send me to bed tonight....hoping for a bright new day that will give me another chance to provide all the knowledge and care to every child I teach. I pray for each child and for their parents or caretakers and for all teachers everywhere. Remember....THIS IS IT!

HOMEWORK

As soon as school was out today, I headed toward Waco so I could take Hillary birthday shopping. I like to take my girls out to shop, so I can get them something they really like. I had just pulled into the gas station in McGregor ($2.35 a gallon...woohoo!), when Dillan called to ask me what I was doing. Now, I always know what this means....he has HOMEWORK. And this call was no different. He had English homework that he wanted my assistance(synonym for help) with. Naturally, I called Hillary and postponed our shopping date and headed back towards H-town to help my youngest with his HOMEWORK. He arrived about 7:00, hungry as a horse, so I hopped into the car to buy one of his favorite meals...chicken from Chicken Express. 7 piece meal, fries, roll and a large Dr. Pepper. (I suggested Crossfire and a chicken fried steak, but he said he had too much HOMEWORK....eeeewwww). He inhaled his greasy food and we got started on his paper. Now, my new computer does not have Word (yet), so he didn't have the help of the computer's thesaurus. I didn't realize how convenient that silly Thesaurus was! He spent the next hour and a half looking up words in an old Thesaurus I have....thank goodness I could find it! He quickly discovered he used try or tried way too many times! So he substituted attempt, strive, execute, undertake, struggle, endeavor, sampled for all twelve times he attempted to not use the words try/tried. He struggled with that! Other words incorporated into his paper were labor, reimburse, bestow, impart, obtain, seize, sacrifice, forfeit, execute, affixed, allot, acquire, approaches, poses, fetch, oblige, craves....wow, I'm exhausted after all that! After reading it over, it certainly did not sound like words he usually uses, but it was more interesting after all those substitutions! Hopefully, he acquired some knowledge by using interesting vocabulary as he composed his composition! Ha ha! We had a great time...his right shoulder started hurting after he had written for such a lengthy time (in the same place mine hurts after I write or sew or paint), so I gave him a good ole neck rub...he has knots in his shoulder just like I do...stress knots! He still had Spanish HOMEWORK, so he went to his dad's to finish that and go to bed. I'm so glad he came over!