STAAR Nightmare

For all of you non-educators or "non-parents" (is that even a word???) or non-Texans....you may not realize that next week IS the week of the STAAR test. This is a test that the "experts" of education have created. Ha! Hahahahahahaha! Oh, well....these people seem to think that by testing children on a rigorous test that it will prove how much they have learned or how smart they are. Now let me remind you that as teachers, we have NO STINKING IDEA what is on this test! Honestly! And we won't. I spent 30 minutes last week watching a video instructing me on the "do's and don'ts" of the STAAR test. We have been give strict instruction not to look at the test, read the test, or if by chance a child asks us to read a word on the math portion (which is allowed)...that we delete that word from our memory forever and NEVER mention the "word" as long as we live. We sign an oath, where we swear we will NOT disclose any of the "secret" information! An oath!!!!!!! HONESTLY! Our fear of going to the new STAAR prison (last year it was TAKS prison) increases greatly this time of year! It causes a great deal of stress in teachers, students and parents! What if they don't pass????
I know of all the amazing things I've taught my 3rd graders this year! We have studied the Solar System where in class each child made their own model of the Solar System as well as a book they created by researching information about the Solar System on the Internet. We have studied rocks and volcanoes and plants and heredity. We are getting ready to study biomes and ecosystems and food chains. My 3rd graders know about the continents and oceans! They have created maps! They know who Pierre Charles L'Enfant and Juan De Onate are! They have learned the word entrepreneur and they can tell you about at least five well known entrepreneurs. I have tested them daily on their multiplication facts...yes...the old kill and drill. MEMORIZE THOSE BABIES!!! They are learning them! I have shown them how to draw pictures to help them with the dreaded "word problem"! We have written in journals and edited. I hold them responsible for spelling words that they have had and I MAKE them spell words correctly! We have learned to be kind to each other. STOP BEING A TATTLE TALE all the time. Work out your problems! If there is a problem, the two (or more) must sit and talk about it and decide what they could have done to prevent it. I have tried to teach compassion...don't make fun of others. Be understanding when some one's parent has been put in jail. Love each other. I tell them that we are a family....I used to be like a momma to my students, but now I'm like a grandmother! None of that will be on the test....I'm sure. (Not that I know because I don't!!!)
All of this leads to the STAAR nightmare. I had one last night. In my dream, I passed all the STAAR booklets out to my students and read the instructions (word for word...it's in the book...word for word...don't stray or you'll go to STAAR prison). They began working on the the 4 hour timed test. As I "monitored" my students, I realized that they were working on the math portion of the test and NOT the reading portion! I began to panic!!! OMG! I have violated the test instructions!!!!! I ran to the hall screaming...violation #2...do not leave the students unattended while testing. I told the class to erase their answers because we were taking the wrong test....violation #3!!!! I fell to the floor in a fit of convulsions....let's just say it was sort of like an old time gospel fit...where I shook and screamed and spoke in tongues...my legs were quivering and words that normally aren't spoken at school were screamed! Our counselor finally came to my room to help me. In calming me down, we realized that the probable reason for my blunder was due to my......get this....PREGNANCY...and that I was going into labor! Oh, dear Lord.....what is worse???? STAAR Prison or a baby at my age??? My dream ends....with a baby in my arms.
Are there any dream analyzers out there??????