Hi! My name is Cheri and I'll be your server.....

"Hi! My name is Cheri and I'll be your server tonight. May I take your drink order or get you started on some appetizers? We have some really good onion rings or jalapeno shooters."
For the past two years, I have repeated this phrase over and over.....not only do I teach school, but I also work at Crossfire Cafe as a server/waitress...choose whichever you choose to call me. The word server sounds more like fancy schmancy restaurant or someone who goes to church all the time....and waitress pretty much reminds me of the ladies who work at Jake and Dorothy's in Stephenville...walking around taking orders with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth! Well...here's hoping not to offend anyone...and maybe make a few helpful suggestions on your next eating out experience!
The following experiences are true...the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Me - "Would you like water with your beer/tea/margarita/wine?"
Jill - "Oh...no...I don't need any water."
Me - I hurry off to wait on other tables...running food back and forth when I see Jill waving at me.
Jill - "You know...I do believe I want some water."
Me - (smiling) "Of course let me get that for you. Have you decided what you want to order for your meal?"
Jill - "Yes...I want the filet....medium rare...well maybe just medium....hmmmmmmmm...if I order medium and it is too done then I won't like it. Let me just order medium rare. Is that very red in the middle....oh....let me think....yes....medium rare."
Me- "What two sides do you want? You get two sides and a salad. Our sides are baked potato, mashed potatoes, french fries, green beans, fried okra or green chile grits."
Jill- "You know I think I want to change my order....Jack you order first."
Jack - "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Okay....well.....let....me.....see....hmmmmmmmmmmm...How big is that filet?"
Me- "It's 6 - 8 ounces."
Jack- "Well how big is the ribeye?"
Me- "It's 12 ounces."
Jack- "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Let me see. Which one would you get?"
Me - "My favorite is the filet! (smiling...as I look around at 3 other tables who need my help)"
Jack- "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....do you think I would like it? I think I'll get the ribeye cooked medium rare. Now is that still red in the middle?"
Me - "Yes...it will be a bit pink. What two sides do you want?"
Jack - "Now, what are your sides?"
Me - "Baked potato, mashed potatoes, french fries, green beans, fried okra, and grits. You also get a salad"
Jack - "How are the french fries cut? Are they frozen?"
Me - "We actually peel the potatoes and put them through a french fry cutter."
Jack- "What about the mashed potatoes.....are they from a box?"
Me - "No. We boil our potatoes and then mash them...just like Grandma!"
Jack- "I think I'll take a baked potato. What comes on them?"
Me - "Butter, sour cream, bacon and cheese."
Jack - "Well, well, well....so much for the diet! Let's just get it loaded. And then I'll take the fried okra. But could you get them to fry it and make sure it is crispy but not burnt?"
Me- "Yes. What kind of salad dressing would you like? We have Ranch, Thousand Island, Vinaigrette, Blue Cheese and Honey Mustard "
Jack-"I want French."
Me -" Sir, we don't have French."
Jack-"Oh....no.....I just don't even want a salad if you don't have French. I can't believe you don't have French. Do they not have any anywhere???"
Me - "No, sir. I'm sorry." (I look up to see impatient customers sitting in my section...and decide to hurry the process along.) Okay, maam...have you decided what you wanted to eat?"
Jill- "Well, it all looks so good. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....let me see. Jack did you get the ribeye or the filet?"
Jack - "Ribeye"
Jill - "Hmmm. This is so hard. I want the filet, but I think I've decided I want it medium. Could you ask them not to make sure there is no fat on it and not to cook it near any fat or use any butter?"
Me - "Sure. Now what two sides did you want?"
Jill - "Now what are the sides again?"
Me -"Baked potato, mashed potatoes, french fries, green beans, fried okra, or green chile grits. You get two sides and a salad."
Jill - "Hmmmmmmmmmm. I want green beans, but no butter on them. And I want a baked potato with sour cream only on it. Could they put just a few little pieces of cheese on it?"
Me- "Sure. Now what about a salad dressing?"
Jill - "Hmmmmmmmm. Do you have a diet dressing?"
Me- "No...."(It's getting close to closing and I have 3 more tables to wait on!)
Jill - "Well....just get me Ranch on the side. I don't want onions."
Me - "Ok....Is there anything else?"
Jack-"You know....I think I will get a salad with Ranch, no Honey Mustard, no just put Ranch on the salad. And I need to change my fried okra to french fries. I'll just share those with our little Junior. He is also out of formula. Could you take this back to the kitchen and warm his milk for him? And we never did get that water we asked for! Could you bring us some water? And could you put some in a little Styrofoam cup for little Junior?"
Me - "Of course I will!" (order placed....and finally brought to the customers )
Me - "Is there anything else you need?"
Jill-" Yes...we need napkins."
Me -" Sure ...let me get you some. Can you think of anything else?"
Jill -"No...just napkins." (I go to fetch napkins and return with a buttload of them for little Junior to tear up...I'm sure.)
Jill - "Oh, thank you. But could you go get us some ketchup?"
Me- "Of course....are you sure there is nothing else?"
Jill- "That should do it." (I hurry for the ketchup and return.)
Jack - "I could use a beer. Could you go order one? What kind do you have on draft?"
Me- "Bud lite, Coors lite, Miller Lite and Ziggenbauch (sp?????) Are you a member of our club? We are a private club and can only serve alcohol to members."
Jack - "I don't remember."
Me - "Could I run your driver's license?'
Jack -"What???? Can't you see I'm over 21???? "
Me - "Sir, it is our policy. I'm sorry for the inconvenience."
Jack -"Here...I'll take a Bud Lite."
I return with a member ship card to sign and the happy couple eat and drink as they give little Junior french fries and bread and an empty styrofoam cup....all the while little Junior is throwing french fries on the floor, along with his bread, torn up napkin and tiny pieces of styrofoam that he has nibbled and spit out. While waiting, I fill their glasses up 6 times with tea, four times with water, grab another beer and refill their bread basket even though they still had four pieces of bread in it...yet insisted on needing more bread.) They loved their food...Jack and Jill were full and happy...said..."Best steak we've ever had!" I smile but once they leave, it looks as if little Junior has had a field day under the table....the floor is covered in napkins, french fries, bread and styrofoam. The styrofoam pieces are so tiny they evade me as I try to sweep them up.
Best of all....this $60 table leaves me a whopping $3.00 tip. I pick it up and clean my area.
At the end of the night after I've waited on 12 - 15 different tables and filled countless tea/water glasses or run to the bar for a drink...after I've visited with at least 45 people or repeated the sides at least 40 times...after I've cleaned my tables and swept the floor...after we've mopped our areas and run our reports, I add my tips up....sometimes I'm quite pleased. Then, there are some nights that are just a little disappointing.....but on those nights, I always tell myself..."Cheri, that's $45 more than you had when you came out." I check out....grab my apron and book that contains my tip money...walk to the car and hope that tomorrow will be a better night!